Today is my birthday! I am 30 years old. That sort of feels like a big deal, although this particular day doesn’t feel like a big deal, since I got MARRIED on Saturday. When I round a decade corner, I like to do it big, folks.
So, three decades later, how am I doing? Better now that that messy third decade is over, I’ll tell you. Ah, forgive me for a bit while I get reflective….
The year I turned 20, a few months after my birthday, I fell in love with a guy who, although he was a good guy, wasn’t the right guy for me. Later that year, my mother died. And somehow those two things combined, and a guy who probably should have been a summer fling turned into something that felt like the only lifeboat on a sinking ship. I was supposed to be done being a moody adolescent, and I felt moodier & more adolescent than ever! I was supposed to be a good student, and I ended up dropping out of my dream college. I cannot tell you how much I hated my early 20s, except to say that I tried to not be sober as much as possible throughout them. I kind of checked out for a half a decade there.
But good things were happening, underneath and at the surface. Painful growth, but growth nonetheless. I finally feel grounded. I am more comfortable with myself and my life circumstances that at just about any time in the past. In a lot of ways, I’ve rediscovered the things that make me truly happy, and tried hard to cultivate the best parts of who I am. I have landed & settled in love (comes after the falling, if you’re lucky) with a person who has helped me so much on my journey toward stability. And on Saturday, David & I did indeed get married. Photos to come, I promise.
This decade is probably going to bring more of that painful growth. Realistically, it will probably be this decade that Nana & Papa die. Yet hopefully, this will also be the decade when David & I become parents. There will be deep sorrow, but also deep joy….like life always goes, eh?
< deep breath >