Climbing out of another Funk. I mean, if I’m honest, which intend to be, it’s that I have bipolar disorder (diagnosed almost half a lifetime ago now) and so it’s Roller Coaster City forever. But they feel worse lately, because I have some validly shitty things to deal with, and, well, they’re shitty.
And I feel like I’ve worked so hard to not be someone who’s always moping and depressed and dragging everyone around me down, but the flip side of that is that when I am depressed, I just isolate. It’s hard to keep a balance, you know?
But tonight, I’m feeling better, just good enough to ask for help. So here I am. Here’s some of what’s been going on:
I’ve had a fibro flare the last couple of weeks. I think they’re a part of PMS, which now comes with migraine aura (and the potential of a full-fledged migraine, which I had in February and March). So I have been doing things like laying on my couch in the middle of the day with the shades all drawn, wearing sunglasses. Sort of like I’m a rock star, only sick.
I was pretty unhappy a couple weeks ago when I kept running into OPP–Other People’s Pregnancies. Did you know that our local news anchor is pregnant, and due in July? Did you know that Princess Kate is due in July? I saw all the “baby bump” stories in the grocery store checkout. And even my ex-boyfriend’s wife is due in July! Uncool, universe. (For those who don’t know, we had miscarriage #2 in December, would have been due in, you guessed it, July.) So I laid on the couch moping about that, while being to tired to do things like sit upright.
Nana & Papa are not great. Papa doesn’t really leave the house anymore. I’ve been trying to talk with my uncle and their priest to try to figure out how to convince them that if they want to stay in their house (which they want to, and are able right now, and we support), they have to be willing to make some changes. But they’re in denial, and refuse to change much, even small things like moving some furniture so Papa can get around with the walker easier. I know things are going to get worse before they get better, so there’s a lot of stress and deep breathing and kind of more than a few stiff drinks.
But I’ve been doing a lot of art journaling. Reading a cool book about modern art called What Are You Looking At? and trying to get the massive gaps in my art history knowledge filled in a little. I made a paper mache panda for a friend and remembered how much I love paper mache. I had some ideas during my “up” phase for some cardboard “furniture” (mostly storage units for art supplies and shadow boxes) using paper mache reinforcement. Now that I’m feeling better, I’ll probably give that a go.
We adopted another cat. I suppose it was inevitable! You’ve hopefully all seen the status updates on Facebook, especially David’s. It’s been wonderful to see David “babymooning”, and how he gets up with Julian early when he’s crying in the morning. He’s going to be a great dad, and I’m enjoying this preview.
Hmm…what else…….. I turned 31! My thirties have finally hit me. It didn’t really sink in last year, because the focus was kind of on getting married. I was feeling particularly haggard one night at band rehearsal, sitting next to a new 18-year-old flute player, when I overheard my former music teacher (who plays a certain instrument and sits next to me in rehearsal ) say that my grey hair was making him feel old. At least, I think that’s what he said. I wasn’t sure, but it’s true, I do have a lot of grey hair now, which I’m usually A-OK with, but that night, not really. Anyway, I’m over it, but I totally, 100% feel 31 years old, is my point.
Almost summer. Storms are already here. I hope to update more, b/c I’m doing the Index Card A Day challenge. Maybe you too?